The cornerstone of probably any relationship is communication and its importance cannot be emphasized more in a romantic relationship. As we work in our clinical settings as mental health professionals, frequently we come across individuals with problems and challenges in their relationships with their partners. And more frequently, these problems stem from a basic compromising of the channels of communication that probably existed once upon a time.
How one goes from talking about everything to not being able to talk about anything appears to be a mystery to us when we are in the midst of such a situation. But the answer can also be rather simple. The fact is that frequently we just start to experience that we cannot share and express openly what we are truly feeling and thinking and this difficulty is further compounded by the fact that one does not feel understood. It's as though I'm talking in English but you seem to be hearing Spanish and responding in German!
These disconnects usually happen because we are not able to listen to each other and give each other the space to be able to say things freely. Tolerance levels seem to vanish away, as though they have been banished into the dungeons and every communication starts becoming a tug-of-war. Not just that, suddenly one starts to compare to others around, feeling that there are those that exist around us who probably value our opinions more and give us a sound listening ear. And this too becomes another source of chaos as one's partner can begin to feel a sense of insecurity that what if one develops a significant emotional attachment outside of the existing relationship.
And now that I write this it does seem quite complicated. A simply concept of communication when it goes amiss can create such havoc in one's life. It's just about talking...talking to one another...listening to one another...sharing with one another
Frequently the advice that one gives couples in such situations is just this..."Why don't you try and listen to him or her. It may just work because it seems to me that he or she is trying to get your attention here". So try, it may seem a real tough ask, but do try. Try to listen to your partner, without butting in with your expert opinion about what it should be or shouldn't be like and see the difference. Some complex problems can have a simple solution, which is not to say that there aren't many more complicated communication related problems that may exist around us. But lets try and do our small bit here and may be, just may be, things could be different.
How one goes from talking about everything to not being able to talk about anything appears to be a mystery to us when we are in the midst of such a situation. But the answer can also be rather simple. The fact is that frequently we just start to experience that we cannot share and express openly what we are truly feeling and thinking and this difficulty is further compounded by the fact that one does not feel understood. It's as though I'm talking in English but you seem to be hearing Spanish and responding in German!
These disconnects usually happen because we are not able to listen to each other and give each other the space to be able to say things freely. Tolerance levels seem to vanish away, as though they have been banished into the dungeons and every communication starts becoming a tug-of-war. Not just that, suddenly one starts to compare to others around, feeling that there are those that exist around us who probably value our opinions more and give us a sound listening ear. And this too becomes another source of chaos as one's partner can begin to feel a sense of insecurity that what if one develops a significant emotional attachment outside of the existing relationship.
And now that I write this it does seem quite complicated. A simply concept of communication when it goes amiss can create such havoc in one's life. It's just about talking...talking to one another...listening to one another...sharing with one another
Frequently the advice that one gives couples in such situations is just this..."Why don't you try and listen to him or her. It may just work because it seems to me that he or she is trying to get your attention here". So try, it may seem a real tough ask, but do try. Try to listen to your partner, without butting in with your expert opinion about what it should be or shouldn't be like and see the difference. Some complex problems can have a simple solution, which is not to say that there aren't many more complicated communication related problems that may exist around us. But lets try and do our small bit here and may be, just may be, things could be different.
